Wednesday, June 18, 2008
It's almost 3 am. Now, i am still in the office. Working in an outdoor advertising company isn't easy. Clients ussually give jobs urgently for their events, so here i am.
I must supervise what production site do.
Ya, i know it must be very tired. Today, i might be work almost 24 hours.
i miss my family, especially my lil brother, kevin.
Labels: nothing
my music my style
11:53 AM
Sunday, June 15, 2008
It has been almost 2 years, i live in the dark of the darkness.
For many years, i've lost colour and light of my heart, and my soul.
I just feel that some day i'll be like a robot. A thing who just has brain (logic), but doesn't have sense.
Day by day, i have passed through my emptiness years. May be, few years ago, i had some one who cared about me, and i think that i loved her. A tragedy was happened last year, i lost her after i was success with my final project which had the highest score. Honestly, i felt that i sank more into the dark side.
That time, i decided to erase sense of my heart.
I'm sorry, my friends and my family, i just kept it then i didn't tell it to all of you.
I'm sorry, i couldn't decide in to relationship (for few persons)
I'm sorry, i couldn't be serious to do anything.
Thus, I decided to go overseas.
I want to have a new life, I want to be stronger, and i want my mindset to see different side of world.
Then, I went to singapore and got a job here.
Even my mindset is changed, i still have emptiness in my heart and soul.
Everyday, I go to office, work, then finally i go home for take a rest.
I feel that i'm bored.
Even i have many friends here, but i don't know why my heart can't be cured.
Even i always hang out with them, i'm not sure that i have good "medicines" for erasing my loneliness. It's just like euforias for me.
I can't trust any one, especially, i live in other country. It's not my country.
I must take care about my self.
I must take care my sister, who studies here.
O ya, She's the only one sister in my siblings. I know that she cares about me.
I'm confused about my behavior.. Am i crazy ?
May be i will be crazy if i still sink in this situation.
I always pray to God for giving me a some one who can remove it.
I hope the some one in my pray is a soulmate for me.
Why do i need a soulmate ? Don't I need friends, a girlfriend, or may be a wife?
Why do i prefer to say "girlfriend" or "wife" ?
I don't mean that i don't need friends, a girlfriend, or a wife.
I have many friends, and i care about them.
I have Rhondy (USA), Vicy (Jakarta), and Budi (Batam).
I can say that they are my best friend.
A girlfriend ?
Mmmmmmmmmmm....
A girlfriend can't be a friend for me..
There is a thin wall which separates between a girlfriend and friend.
A wife ?
I know, some day, i will think about it.
I have a target for getting married before 30 years old, but it's still far away.
I must be success first !!!
I must think about my family !!
I still have one sister and two brothers, who haven't finished their studies.
I haven't replaced my father position yet.
In my opinion,
A soulmate is a some one who can understand me, and can be understood by me.
A soulmate is a some one wha can break the wall which separate between a girlfriend and friend.
A soulmate is a some one who can understand and care each other.
May be, she doesn't need to say something not only by words, but also by heart.
A soulmate can be a girlfriend, friend, family, or someday i can make a family with a soulmate.
hehehehhe :p (one of my dreams)
A soulmate needn't be perfect.
So, is it possible to find a soulmate for me ?
Insya Allah.
Labels: Reflection
my music my style
1:56 AM
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
my music my style
1:37 AM
